I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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