do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
