and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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