Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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