i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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