yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
