Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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