Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
