Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
