We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
