uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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