the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
