ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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