Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
