I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
