Cold hands, warm shart.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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