worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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