U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
