it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
