he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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