My nipple is on Facebook.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm always down for nudity.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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