Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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