Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
