it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
