dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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