this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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