the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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