Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He passed out mid-signature
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
