So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
