you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
