you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
