i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
