Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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