you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
