He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
