my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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