Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
