if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I got inside last night via doggy door
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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