I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
