By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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