I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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