hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
