covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
