All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
