You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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