We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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