then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
