Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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