My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
