The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
