I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
