If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
home. puking in laundry basket.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
