Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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