So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
